More adventures with Audrey

The other day, we had a pool party at our apartment community. There were prizes, food and even a dj!

I was working, but I stopped by for a little bit to grab some lunch. As I walked onto the pool deck, I noticed a sexy redhead in a black one-piece lounging with her legs in the pool.

It was Audrey, my nearly 100-year-old friend.

I walked over to her and sat by her for a minute.

“Here, eat some chips, honey,” she said, handing me a bag of Fritos.

“No thanks, Audrey,” I said. “I just had some chips earlier.”

“So, are you enjoying the party? It doesn’t look like your miserable boss is having any fun working,” Audrey said. I laughed.

“Where is your husband?” she asked, looking around.

“I’m not sure,” I said. “I called him to meet me down here, but he didn’t answer his phone.”

“Tsk tsk tsk,” Audrey clicked with her tongue. Leaning in toward my ear she whispered, “You don’t think he’s at the track, do you?”

“At the track?!” I laughed. “No, I think he probably went to a movie.”

“Oh thank God,” Audrey said. “He’s not a gambler, your husband?”

“No, he doesn’t gamble,” I answered.

“Well be thankful for that. Gamblers are cheaters. My son’s a gambler and his wife is miserable. But she never says anything. He spends all their money and she doesn’t say a word. It’ll ruin a marriage,” she said. I nodded.

She leaned in closer again. “Funny thing, this pool party.”

“How so?” I asked.

“Well, all of the Blacks and Hispanics are here. For the free food, you know.”

“Audrey!” I exclaimed. “You shouldn’t say that!”

“Well it’s true. The Hispanics don’t speak English, and the Blacks are jumping all over the pool. Just wait til one of them cracks their head open. Then they’ll sue the hell out of you.”

Oh Audrey.

One thought on “More adventures with Audrey

  1. OMG. I just seriously should not stay away from your blog this long. It cracks me up like no other. This O-WAD-REEE woman is freaking hilarious.

    I love you and your funny posts, Jillian!!

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