“Well, I’m figuring out how to use this bee-you-tee-ful computer I bought,” Audrey said when I answered the phone.
“That’s good,” I replied.
“Yes. I finally figured out how to start it. I just push that “E” with the arrow. Do you start yours like that? The “E” with the arrow?”
“Yes. But once I turn it on, I don’t know what to do then. I just turn it on and off. I think I’m going to enroll in one of those helpful community classes.”
“Oh, that’s a good idea. Then you’ll learn a lot about working it.”
“Well, I’m so smart I figure I’ll only need to go to one or two lessons. Then I can figure it out on my own.”
“So, haven’t you noticed that people around here are so peculiar?”
“Especially that lady who lives upstairs. When she takes a shower it sounds like a rocket is going off. The other night there were strange noises coming from her bedroom. I don’t know what the hell she does up there.”
“I should just move to the third floor where no one would live above me. Only trouble is, I don’t think I’d make it up to the third floor. At my doctor, his office is on the third floor, and I take the stairs.”
“Don’t they have an elevator?”
“Yes they do, but people are always getting stuck in it. It’s very scary. The receptionist always asks, ‘Audie, why are you sweating?’ and I tell her I took the stairs for exercise. I don’t tell her what I think about the elevator because it’s none of my business. What am I going to tell her? I’m a nut? Anyway, that lady next door to me, too. I don’t know if she’s an invalid or what.”
“I guess I don’t know for sure who you’re talking about.”
“Listen. I ordered myself a box of delicious Flor-ee-da oranges. They’re just lovely.”
“Yes. They say you can keep them in your fridge for a good few months. So, I’ve set one aside for you in my fridge. I’ll call you on February 14th so you can come get it for Valentine’s Day.”
“How nice! That’s thoughtful!”
“Don’t tell any of the girls in the office, though. I’ll call you to come get it; I don’t want to bring it in. I like to be secretive, you know.”