When Margaret and Lady Gaga collide

All my life–ok, maybe not all my life–I’ve wanted to be compared to a celebrity. Not because I’m like obsessed with celebrities or something, but because I just think it’s interesting to see how other people perceive me. Sadly, I have never been told I look like a celebrity.

Until about a week ago.

I posted the other day about three people I was compared to over the last couple of days, and yesterday at Target, I got another one:

Lady Gaga.

Pleeeeease say you disagree!!!

Funny how I’ve gotten 4 comparisons in the last few days, when I haven’t had any my whole life. I wonder why that is?

Fun things always happen at Target. Refer to this post, if you need some examples. Yesterday was no exception.

It all started in the makeup section, when the “Boots” representative asked me if I’d ever been told I look like Lady Gaga. I said no and held back tears as my stomach dropped to the ground and I tried to figure out how long it would take to get a cosmetic surgery consult.

After a brief convo with “Boots”, I finished my shopping and headed for the checkout line. I walked along each aisle, finally picking the one with the shortest line. I emptied the contents of my basket onto the conveyor belt and looked toward the cashier. “Oh crap,” I thought. “It’s Margaret.”

Margaret.

Rude, scowling Margaret.

Margaret is not very friendly. She never says hi as you enter her line, even if you say hi first. She never smiles. And Heaven forbid you ask for her to bag your purchases in anything other than a plastic bag.

Every time I’ve asked her to use paper bags or my reusable bags, she huffs and puffs and puts all of my purchases on the counter, piling them higher and higher until I realize that she is not going to bag them.

Oh, she’ll bag them in plastic.

But cloth? Paper? You’re on your own.

And somehow, I always end up in her line.

Margaret.

“Hi!” I said, as I moved up in line to checkout.

“[Blank scowling stare],” responded Margaret.

I grabbed my wallet and pulled out a gift card and some cash to pay for my purchases. As I was waiting for my receipt to print, a coworker walked past Margaret’s register.

“Hey!” she shouted to the coworker.

“She can speak!” I thought to myself.

The coworker turned around and came back to Margaret’s register.

“Have you seen Creepo today?” she asked.

“Who?” the coworker said.

“Creepo? Have you seen him today?”

“Do you have a creepy customer?” I asked. Neither coworker nor Margaret acknowledged my question.

“No,” he said. “Have you seen him?”

“No,” Margaret answered. “But I did see a man dressed as a woman.”

“Wow!” I said. “What an exciting morning!”

Without a word or any eye contact, Margaret handed me my receipt. I took it and grabbed my bag.

“Have a good day!” I said.

“[Nothing!]” said Margaret.

Hmm. Better luck next time?

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