This just in: I’ve forgotten how to flirt. I mean, not that I want to flirt. I’m married! But even if I tried, I couldn’t.

Our office closed early the other day because of a snow storm, so after I left work, I went straight to the liquor store to get some wine.

I walked in, searched around, grabbed a bottle of Pinot Noir and headed to the register.

“Hey,” the cashier smiled. He had a pierced lip and a lot of tattoos, and I thought he looked very friendly.

“Hi!” I answered. “How are you?”

“Good, good,” he said. “Not too busy here because of the snow.”

“Yeah, I bet,” I said.

He smiled at me again as he reached for my credit card, and my stomach dropped to my feet. Was he flirting with me?

Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod! I thought to myself. Ohmigod. I don’t know what to do. How can I tell if he’s flirting? I don’t even know how to flirt. I should tell him I’m married. No, that’s weird. I can’t just blurt that out. Ok, he’s probably not. He’s just being friendly. He’s been cooped up in this liquor store alone all day.

“Here you go,” he interrupted, handing my card back to me.

Say something! I said to myself.

“So, is that your car?” I asked, pointing through the window at the yellow monster truck parked on top of a mountain of snow.

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I bet you could do that.”

“Do what?” I asked. “Oh, park on snow? Maybe.”

“Yeah, cause you have a Jeep.”

“Oh, maybe. I did drive over a curb the other day.”

Blank stare.

Oh my goodness. What a stupid thing to say! Quick! Say something else!

“I was at a red light, but I needed to turn left, and the car– the car was in front of me, at the light,” I rambled.

“Cool,” he nodded.

“Maybe I could try, though,” I continued. “Next time there’s a sro strom.”

What?! Sro strom?

“Um, I mean snow stream,” I corrected.

Oh. My. Goodness. Snow STORM, Jillian. STORM!

“Uh, snow st-orrr-mm,” I sounded out.

What is wrong with me? I can’t even hold a conversation with this guy!

Suddenly, I came to and realized that he was handing my wine to me, nodding politely and smiling, but trying to usher me along. I turned around to see a line of people behind me.

OMG. Did all these people just hear me say sro strom?

“Thanks,” I mumbled. I grabbed my wine and put my head down as I ran for the door.

And the whole way home, I thought of a million other things I could have said to the friendly cashier that would have made more sense than sro strom.

Coleman would be proud.

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2 thoughts on “This just in: I’ve forgotten how to flirt. I mean, not that I want to flirt. I’m married! But even if I tried, I couldn’t.

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