I woke up this morning in a mental funk. Actually, truth be told, the funk started before I went to bed last night.
You ever have those days? Emotional, lonely, anxious, sad, not good enough. In an effort to distract myself, naturally, I turned to social media. Facebook, Twitter, blogs. Unfortunately, they only made me feel worse.
There are girls out there who just make me feel bad about myself. Sadly, I haven’t even met some of them. But they seem so cool. They’re so pretty, and they never take a bad picture, and they do all of these fabulous things that I don’t get to do. They always eat healthy, and they’re rail-thin, yet somehow they have plump booties and squeezable tits. Their makeup is always perfect and their hair is always blowing in the wind but it never falls out of place. And they’re educated! They’re smart, and they have amazing jobs and bottomless bank accounts.
Do you know these girls, too?
Having struggled with anxiety and depression for a good part of my adult life, I find myself falling into this trap sometimes. Why, oh why, can’t I remember that social media life is not the same as real life? Of course I can’t possibly measure up to these online girls. THEY’RE NOT REAL!
In reality, those girls have 10 bad pictures for every good picture they post, and all of them are from the one cool thing they did that week; they neglected to tell us about the three nights in a row they sat in front of the TV alone eating Cheetos and crying over the The Real Housewives of Somewhere or some nonsense. Their butts are round, but they can’t look at them without seeing only cellulite. They think their thighs are too big, and their daddies paid for their boobs. Their hair won’t grow as fast as they want it to, and they’re insecure about the way the humidity’s affecting it today. Sure, their job titles are cool, but they’re daydreaming about doing something different with their lives, and they’re either swimming in a mound of debt or they really do have money, but their trust funds pay for everything, leaving them unappreciative of a hard day’s work.
Ok, maybe that’s not really real either, but you get where I’m going.
Regardless, right or wrong, when I’m feeling bad, these girls make me feel worse. But I suppose I could say the same thing about myself. For example, I posted this picture to Facebook about an hour ago:
It got TONS of likes and nice comments. But, what those people saw is different from what I see.
I know that the girl in that photo currently has two protruding pimples between her eyebrows. Her hair looked flat and stringy today, cause she fell asleep when it was wet, so she’s trying desperately to add volume. The computer and cat, praise God, are covering a roll of belly fat. She came home from work this morning and tore off her false eyelashes before calling her mother and bursting into tears about how insecure she felt today.
Things are not always as they seem.
I’m writing this, dear reader, for myself as much as for you. I’m feeling a little better this afternoon after hearing encouraging words from my mom, but I know self-confidence will continue to be a struggle for me. Next time I’m feeling low, I’ll get smacked across the face by one of those fabulous fake girls, and the whole cycle of self-pity will start again. Funny how Insecure Jillian can overpower Rational Jillian so often.
Let this be a reminder that you are enough. I am enough. Our lives are great, and we are so blessed. Somewhere out there, someone is envying you for what they think you’ve got that they don’t have. Hell, it’s probably me! I’m pretty sure we are far more loved and admired than we will ever, ever realize.