Well folks, here we are: Easter Sunday.
Last Easter, I wrote this post.
I’m happy to say that, this Easter, I’m feeling much, much better.
Yes, I’m still unmarried. Yes, I’m still broke. Yes, I still have the same boyfriend. Yes, some of my relationships are still extremely complicated. Yes, lots of times my faith is still weak. Yes, sometimes I still feel like a giant loser.
But, I’m happy! Happier than I was last Easter. Much happier than I was the Easter before that. Things are getting better.
This morning, I went to church at Indy Alliance in Fountain Square, where I’ve been going for the last few months. It’s a place where I’m really starting to feel like I belong. I’m actually starting to look forward to going to church again. Church doesn’t feel as scary as it used to. There are friendly faces. They introduce themselves to me when they see me. They seem genuinely interested in getting to know me. They invite me to hang out after church to get lunch or to meet on a weeknight for after-work drinks. That’s nice.
Over the last year, God’s been reminding me that he actually does love me. He even likes me! There is nothing I can do that will make him stop loving me. Not even the shit that I’ve already done has turned him away from me. Not even the fact that I just said the word shit will turn him away from me! He doesn’t see me through a lens of the mistakes I’ve made. He just genuinely loves me because I’m alive. That’s also nice.
Today, I don’t feel sad about where I am or what I’ve come through. I’m reminded that I’m forgiven and loved and free, exactly as I am, without changing a thing.
(So are you.)