The day I became a secret sorority sister

Throughout the years, my email address has landed me on some interesting mailing lists. For awhile, I was getting sales emails from a clothing boutique in Australia (a place I’ve never been), and I just recently requested to be unsubscribed from a parents’ group for an elementary school in Canada. (I’ll bet the other classroom parents were upset that I never volunteered for snack duty or to chaperone the holiday party.)

I’m not sure if it’s purposeful, I’m not sure if it’s by accident, but somehow, emails intended for Jillians around the world land in my inbox. Usually, I just brush them off, kindly unsubscribe after awhile and move on.

Until now. The best thing has happened! 

Last week, I was put on an email list for a sorority at a college on the east coast. That’s right. I HAVE MISTAKENLY BECOME A SECRET MEMBER OF A SORORITY AND I’M SECRETLY LEARNING THEIR SECRETS AND THEY HAVE NO IDEA!

I’m sure, had I actually been in a real sorority in college, I would be appalled at this and see it as an abomination of the sacredness of sorority sisterhood. However, even though I wanted to rush in my freshman year at Michigan State, I didn’t follow through with it because my boyfriend threatened that he’d break up with me, and so I don’t understand the sacredness of sororities and so I don’t care. If anyone’s mad about this, it’s my ex-boyfriend’s fault.

Anyway, I checked my email last week to find the following from my new sister. We’ll call her “L.” At first I was confused, but when I realized what was going on, my joy could not be contained.

Hey girls so for tonight:

  • Be at 3702 at 9!! Pledges will be coming right after study hours so please get there on time!
  • Pledges will be upstairs in Lori’s room with Trish and Jacki playing Paradise
  • Pledges go one at a time into the basement

[DUN DUN DUN!]

Here’s how tonight will go: 

  • One pledge will stand in the basement with the flashlight pointed at her. 
  • D will ask: who is the weakest link, rate the pledges, try and get any information out of them, etc.
  • Ask which sister they admire most, mocking them yahknooowww [Totally!]
  • tell them it was a test and they failed, yell at them to leave :)
  • Pledges will sit in Tina’s room after they are done with Tori Z and Jill [I think that’s me!], NO TALKING!

Bring them all back down as a group: sister problems etc.

[My personal favorite part]

Can’t wait to see all your pretty faces!! REMEMBER WE WANT THEM TO THINK THEY CAN TRUST US AND THAT WE’RE TRYING TO HELP THEM lolol. aka we trick them :)

Love, L

YOU GUYS. I feel as if I’ve been let into a world I never knew existed. I am a 30-year-old woman who is living vicariously through email communications of girls I don’t know in a group I don’t actually belong to. And I am fascinated.

And, truth be told, the real Jillian who is actually in the sorority doesn’t look all that different from me. Not that I used the email addresses on the list to track her down on Facebook. That would be weird. Like, totally.

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