Allow me to update you on the past few episodes of The Bachelorette; I’ve grown increasingly annoyed at how scripted the show is, and yet, my love for Wells Adams continues to blossom. Wells is a Nashville boy, a well-known personality in the city and a true local heartthrob. All around Nashville, everyone’s talking about Wells.
So, imagine my delight when I began to watch last night’s episode on the Arc trainer at the gym and the first one-on-one date went to Wells. You should have seen the way people flocked to the televisions! By the time the first commercial break hit, every cardio machine in front of the gym’s ABC TVs was full of adoring fans. And thus, I title this episode:
The Bachelorette: What It’s Like to Watch Wells on TV in the Middle of a Gym in Nashville
We open in Buenos Aires, and we quickly learn that JoJo has chosen Wells for the first and only one-on-one date of the week. “He’s the only guy I haven’t kissed!” JoJo laughs to the camera. Finally! Some on-screen time for our boy.
After receiving the date card, Wells admits to the guys that he’s the only one who hasn’t kissed JoJo yet. They all tease him, and some of them (Alex) are straight up rude about it. (Update: Nashville now hates Alex.) Wells is visibly nervous as JoJo picks him up for the date (wearing a sweater? In Argentina?)
“Wells’ hands were shaking,” one of the guys comments as JoJo and Wells exit. Someone behind me says, “Aww,” and I notice that the cardio machines around me are suddenly full.
JoJo and Wells walk around the booths and carts of a brightly colored outdoor market. “I’m constantly looking for the perfect situation to arise – looking for the right moment to kiss her,” Wells’ voice-over confesses to us.
Muscley, steroid-looking men (Chad?) have begun to congregate at the gym’s free weights in front of the cardio machines full of women, but quickly, they realize that none of the ladies are paying attention to their groans and flexing muscles. All eyes are glued to the TVs.
JoJo leads Wells into a theater where they stand in the center of a dark room. Suddenly, people begin swimming across a transparent pool overhead. JoJo leans on Wells as they stare up at the pool together.
“This seemed like the perfect opportunity to kiss her,” Wells says, “But then I decided it’s not right to kiss a girl with two naked girls swimming above you.”
The girl on the treadmill next to me gets – and accepts – a FaceTime call while she’s running. I hear her caller shout, “Wells! He’s on the one-on-one now! Get home!” Breathless, she assures her friend that she’s watching right now, but she’ll come home in time for them to watch the Rose Ceremony together.
Now, Wells and JoJo get to take part in the performance. Wells starts by running on a treadmill and then gets “shot” – with fake blood and everything. “It was a cool piece of performance art,” Wells tells us, “But I don’t think it’s very sexy if I’m getting shot.” The entire gym laughs collectively.
“Still, I definitely, immensely want to kiss JoJo,” Wells continues. “It’s going to be kind of awkward, but I’ll try it out, I guess?” I look around. Wells’ lack of confidence/interest in kissing the Bachelorette doesn’t seem to have affected anyone, as everyone is still staring at the TV with giant, toothy grins on their faces and sweat pouring down their brows.
Back at the house, the guys speculate that Wells isn’t coming home. Someone groans dramatically a few treadmills down.
Wells and JoJo climb into the floating pool to slide around. They are all slippery and rubbing on each other, and JoJo’s VO tells us that she is having a great, sexy time with Wells. It takes Wells forever to finally kiss her, but he does it. “That was the moment, Wells! We did it!” JoJo yells afterward. A small round of applause breaks out across the gym. A man behind me lets out a “Whoop!”
Now, the lovers sit down to dinner. Wells helps JoJo into her chair and tells her that he has struggled with feeling skeptical about the whole process. He and JoJo are so different on paper, and he wasn’t sure if she was the perfect person for him. But now that they’ve kissed, he’s feeling those doubts fall away. JoJo nods. She’s been through this before. She understands.
JoJo asks Wells about his ex-girlfriend, and Wells immediately starts sweating. He takes his coat off and the beads of sweat are visible. It only makes me feel closer to him, though, since I’m currently sweating, too.
Wells tells JoJo that his last relationship ended because he and his ex realized they were just best friends and that their romance had fizzled. JoJo is rattled by this. She doesn’t want this to happen to her, and she thinks that couples should work to make sure their love never gets lost.
I look around and wonder if Wells’ ex is in this very gym with me. No one is crying or shouting out “That’s me! That’s me!” though, so I assume not. JoJo asks Wells what his perfect partner looks like, and everyone in the gym perks up a bit more. A girl at the front desk takes out a notebook and pen.
JoJo tells Wells that she believes fairytale love exists. She’s looking for her unicorn. “That’s what you’re looking for?” the sweatiest Wells asks. Uh oh. This is taking a turn.
“I think this could develop into something,” JoJo tells the camera. “But we don’t have any time left.” I notice that all of the muscley men are now leaning against a railing, watching the show, too. The gym has come to a virtual standstill.
“I love our friendship,” JoJo says to Wells, as she picks up the rose. “But, there’s something that doesn’t feel 100% like I wanted it to. Knowing how much time we have, I have to face the reality that I don’t think you’re the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with.” She sets the rose down and Wells stands up to leave.
And honestly, he doesn’t really seem that sad. He’s gracious and kind to her, of course, but I’m pretty sure those “tears” he’s wiping away are actually just sweat beads running into his eyes. He and JoJo walk out of the restaurant.
JoJo cries as Wells is driven away in the limo. Wells looks indifferent and tired. A man in black arrives at the guys’ hotel room to pick up Wells’ suitcase. JoJo walks around crying in the rain and then stands in the middle of that swimming pool play all alone. And then we cut to commercial, and Wells is gone.
I look around the gym again. There’s a brief moment of silence as the other gym-goers process what just happened. And then – hope!
The girl next to me gets another call, and I hear her say, “YES! He’s still on the market, girl!” People’s phones start buzzing with texts. Overcome with the camaraderie in the room, I say to the girl on the other side of me, “You could tell he wasn’t really into her anyway, right? He’s like, ‘Get me back to Nashville!'”
“Oh, totally,” she smiles at me. “What he needs is a good Tennessee girl, anyway.”
I stick around the gym long enough to watch a group date, but by that time I’m tired and hungry for the pizza I ordered for dinner. (It’s all about balance, ok?) Plus, the mood just wasn’t the same since Wells had gone. And so, I packed up my gym bag and headed home. Home to East Nashville, where Wells also lives.
And I drove slowly, peeking into each open window of each house I passed, trying to see if I could find him.
P.S. We need to acknowledge one non-Wells thing from this episode which is THOSE TWO SOLID MINUTES OF DEREK CRYING WHILE “DON’T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINA” PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND. That’s good television right there, folks. “Don’t cry. Don’t cry.”